Retirement Living

But retirement does not end some Monday in the future. It could last twenty years or more!

Though we all dream of the day we can sleep till noon and spend the day as we choose, after an initial honeymoon retirement living poses many unexpected challenges.

You’re built in alarm wakes you at the usual hour but there is no need to dress or go anywhere. Weekends become indistinguishable from work days. You may feel disorientated, out of sync with the rest of the world.

Simple tasks that were always done on time go unattended. You think, “Oh not today” and suddenly find yourself out of clean socks. The joy of having the tennis court to yourself or catching an afternoon show may even turn into guilt.

Lunch can become a problem. At work, lunch is a welcome break, a time to get together with colleagues or friends and relax. It can even be exciting, a chance to button down a contract or launch a new project. Now, you may find yourself alone, heating up last night’s dinner and watching the soaps.

Feelings of loneliness and isolation are common in retirement. During a work day we interact with people outside our social circle but if these interactions are not replaced, we end up only relating to a small group of family and friends.

Retirement can be challenging to relationships. Couples find long established ways of relating turn upside down. Even if both parties work, the home remains the domain of the woman only until the husband retires. Then he may become interested in parts of domestic life he never noticed, usurping his wife’s cherished province.

If his wife continues to work, he may feel his role as bread winner challenged. A stay at home wife may feel her husband’s retirement not only intrudes on her private space, but actually increases her work load, adding more meals to cook and more shopping to be done. Increased time together forces couples to face issues their previously busy lives let them avoid.

For many people, the most difficult adjustment to retirement living is the loss of professional identity. Our work role is so strong; it often forms our central defining core. We play many roles in life but are mostly defined by our work. When asked “What do you do?” we respond with how we make a living. We don’t say, “I am an avid gardener, a conscientious grandfather, a member of my community board, a chess player, a sister, a basketball referee, …” In retirement it is these roles that assume prominence.

After a lifetime of work, adjusting to retirement living requires more than finding the right hobby or retirement village. Your need to be productive, recognized, challenged, and social, will not disappear the day you retire but must be met in new ways.

Fortunately there are many opportunities to replace these needs. You can go back to school, volunteer to help others, immerse yourself in a hobby or the arts, start a new career or do all these things. Finding satisfying ways to pursue your interests and employ your skills can make retirement the most satisfying time of life.